Yummy Guilt-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe...

It's the weekend and if you're like my family, you are probably wanting a special dessert. Have no fear! Try out this awesome Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe I came up with...

Ingredients:
No-Stick Cooking Spray
2 1/2 cups Pancake or Waffle Mix (This is where you can control how healthy these cookies are. I used the 10 Grain wheat Mix from Winco. It made them super filling and I knew I was getting some good grains in my diet.)
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup chocolate chips
3/4 cups water (you can add more later if needed)
1/2 teaspon vanilla extract
cinnamon (optional)

Heat your oven to 375 degrees and spray a pan with the no-stick spray.
Combine the pancake mix, 1/3 cup sugar, and chocolate chips.
Add water and vanilla and blend well.
Using an ice cream scoop, shape dough into balls and place on cookie sheet.
If you like, sprinkle cinnamon on top.
Bake until golden brown.
Enjoy in moderation without guilt! :)



These cookies have a slightly cake-like texture becuase the recipe is modified froma chocolate chip coffee cake recipe, but I think they tasted awesome. Let me know what you think! Have a happy weekend! Luv, Eva

My Breakfast Tips...That Include Frosted Cereals!

First, I gotta say that this is just what I am doing. I am not a Nutrionist (though that was my first major in college, so the interest is there) but these are some things that have been working for me in the morning...

I used to wake up and eat breakfast RIGHT away, like at 7 AM. I think I was super hungry because I would snack during the night or late at night and that would keep my hunger going, getting me to eat way more than I needed to. Now if I need something to chew on to keep me up at night it's one apple slice, and I make it last! LOL

I wait until about 9 AM to have breakfast now and it's great because it means I'm thinking about and accomplishing other things besides eating first. I feed my kids. I start a load of laundry. I read or even workout. I've jumpstarted the effectiveness of my day because it wasn't focused on food.

Before it was all carbs- I would eat 4 pieces of toast sometimes because that's what I loved! Well, for a while I went gluten free and found myself just eating fruit in the morning and I loved it. For example, a banana and apple and some water or other beverage was a great way to get my day started.

Now I occasionally have a bowl of cereal with some fruit. That combo really fills me up fast. Every few times I will measure the cereal and milk portions to remind myself of the amount I need. You wouldn't spend more on a purchase than you need to, so why spend more calories on a meal if you don't need to? The amount of cereal I used to pour is probably about twice of what I have now and I'm still totally satisfied. :)

By the way, breakfast cereals are sneaky! Just because it has granola (which is really high in fat) or raisins (which are high in sugar) doesn't make it "healthy." And "all natural" means nothing. Check out what I discovered this morning: Frosted Cheerios is WAY LOWER IN SUGAR than Raisin Bran. Yeah.





There's almost twice as much sugar in Raisin Bran, probably because they want to make sure that bran tastes good to the potential consumer (YOU!) You can also see Raisin Bran has MUCH higher Sodium and Carbs. Again, more sodium to make it taste better and get you to buy it. :) Just some facts to help us rethink what is "healthy."

I'm making sure I eat fresh, cheack labels and keep my portion sizes reasonable. By waiting a little later to eat breakfast I'm not needing to snack between breakfast and lunch. Plus, I'm getting more done which makes me happier. I hope these ideas help you! Live well!!! Luv, Eva

Running Again!! and My Secret Weigh-In...

Yes, today I finally ran again! I am SO MUCH HAPPIER than I was a few hours ago. It had really felt like a couple weeks since I'd had a real workout, and it was affeting my mood. This makes sense not only because I knew I wasn't making as much progress on my goals as I could have been so I was grouchy, but because I wasn't giving that boost to my endorphins either. My doctor told me a recent study showed that 40 minutes of exercise 3-5 times a week was a more effective antidepressant in women than Zoloft. Yeah. So no wonder I was starting to turn into angry-lady-Eva. :)

We've had some rough news and car problems and this never-ending cough but I decided I felt well enough and had enough frustration that needed to get out of me somehow that I needed to run!

I thought I might go half a mile. Before I left my husband tried to encourage me by saying "Go get 'em tiger!" I quickly corrected him and said "No, even if I walk as slow as your Grandma that will be good enough!" (did I mention I was cranky?) But really, I didn't want to disappoint myself. At that point just getting out and tryng was good enough. Well, here are some pictures from my 3.1 mile journey!



These cows were seriously trying to charge me. Cute, but mean things!



I'm not the type of person to put signs with scriptures on my lawn, but I liked reading theirs as I ran up a hill on the second half of my run.



And finally, the view from the top! SO worth the burning in my legs! These are all just unedited images from my phone, but it's fun to have with me. I also saw half of a torn up chicken on the side of the road, a small bird skeleton and a flattened, stiff some-kind-of road kill, all of which I decided not to photograph.

I'm still getting used to living in the country. I really do love running out here and think I've found my niche that works for me. I make sure I'm dressed for it before I start cooking dinner so as soon as hubby's home and we've eaten I can go out for a little run. Knowing I'll be running after I eat also ensures that I don't stuff my face at dinner time. :) If it's not a long jog then it's laps in the front yard with one of my kids on my back. They like taking turns for piggy back rides and their extra weight will help me lose my extra weight!

But the amazing surprise to me was this secret weigh-in I decided to go ahead and do Tuesday morning. I didn't want to because I haven't been exercising much and I was still sick and grumpy (and didn't want to get grumpier from seeing a gain) but I knew I wanted to stay on track. Imagine my surprise...



Another 1.8 pounds lost! I'm totally on track for my (slow!) and steady goal of being much healthier by Mother's day, and my anniversary and birthday this July. I feel like I'm still losing because I'm still trying to eat healthy. I'm choosing fresh and low-sugar foods and watching my portions. And you know what? My body isn't even wanting that other junk food like it used to. It's craving vegetables, fruits, whole grains and lean meats because those are the foods that are fueling me best. I actually look forward to eating once it's meal time because I know it's going to be healthful and something I don't regret later. Before I thought about food before, during and after I ate, the anticipation, enjoyment, and then guilt were a depressing cycle. But that cycle has stopped and that is something to be proud of.
Yes, I probably could have lost more if I hadn't become so ill and had been exercising too. But no, I am not sad or guilty. I am excited about this journey more than ever! Good luck to you and good job on your efforts if you are trying to live healthier too! The results will come! Love, Eva

Feeling The NEED For SPEED and Health...

So, it's been a while since I've written. That's because it's been a while since I've done anything. In the last week I think I've managed just 2 partial-credit-workouts because I am SICK. Even in writing these few sentences I've already had to get up once to grab a tissue.

I have been SO SUPER SICK, it's not even funny. My dirty laundry pile is starting to creep and extend out of the laundry room, and is threatening to take over my kitchen. I smell worse than I look, if that's possible... My husband watched the kids so I could nap yesterday and I was out cold from 2 to 7! Which is crazy since taking naps is usually very difficult for me. But I knew I needed to take the opportunity to rest and try to recooperate. I serioulsy have not even had the energy for these little fingers to dance on the keyboard and write, I've been so out of it.

What's my point? I am so grateful that usually I am healthy enough to exercise. We don't have a gym membership or a lap pool in the backyard, but I have my health, body and enough motivation to get me going (usually.) I'm praying that tomorrow I will be recovered enough to at least enjoy a brisk walk because I am missing the exhilaration of jumping, running, lunging, feeling the burn of a good workout! Our bodies are so incredible! If there's anything I take for granted, it's my general, regular health.

If I can say I'm over this cold tomorrow it would almost be an insult to do a weigh-in, because honestly, I should just be thankful for that. So, if you have the OK from your doctor and you're feeling healthy enough, take advantage of it and enjoy some exercise! It's the best gift you could give yourself today... :)

Just "Not Feeling It" Yesterday...

Sorry I didn't write yesterday. I woke up with a terrible headcold which I blame on all the germs my daughter is bringing back from kindergarten, my midnight (and 2 AM and 5 AM) playdates with Samuel, and running out of my multi-vitamin last week and not replacing it yet. Kmart! Here I come!

I buy my vitamins at Kmart because they have a rewards program. It doesn't give you a whole lot of money back, but at the price vitamins are I figure something is better than nothing. They also carry vitamins with the USP seal which is important. From www.livestrong.com:

U.S. Pharmacopeia, USP, is an organization that provides quality testing and monitoring of dietary supplements. If all tests pass, then the supplement company can display a USP seal of approval on the label, packaging, and marketing materials of that dietary supplement. It also provides you with a quick and easy way to make an informed decision about which supplement brand to choose. All you have to do is look for the USP seal of approval to know if a particular vitamin supplement contains true and accurate information.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/366173-what-does-usp-mean-on-vitamin-supplements/#ixzz1prFIBiub

I've heard the NSF or CL seals work too, but I haven't researched those. ANYWAY, even though I try to eat a balanced diet I make sure I take a basic Women's multi-vitamin, Super B-Complex and Magnesium/Zinc/Calcium/D to stabilize my mood and it's really been helping. I'm looking forward to adding Omega 3 to my arsenal too! My husband has started taking the Super B-Complex and it's really been helping him too. The pills don't replace a healthy diet, but to me, they help fill in the gaps.

BUT, yesterday was rough. I was annoyed with all the people dropping double-digits on my shows. Everything I wanted to eat was eaither super-acidic and killing my already rug-burned feeling throat(tomato soup, pineapple chuncks, oranges...) or full of carbs (pasta, cookies, muffins...) I tried walking and I felt dizzy because of all the fluids in my head (and the rest of my body- still on my period!) And since my kids are sick too they were ALL home. Lovely.

But by the end of the night I did 20 sittups, push-ups and plank balance exercises, some lunges, leg lifts and other pilates moves that were low-impact. I'm happy that exercising is a habit now. It's not by any means compulsive. I didn't kill myself with my workout because I knew I wasn't feeling well. But I did something, and as my Dad always said as I headed out the door on days I had tests "Something is better than nothing! Take the partial credit!"

So I took the partial credit, feel proud of myself, and you know what? Things really do look better in the morning...I'm excited to see what today brings and what I BRING to TODAY! -Eva

Weekly Weigh-In: Hello Week 3!

Here goes nothing... :)

My REAL "Before Pictures"

Two weeks ago I had my son take a "Before Picture." After several attempts, I just cried. It wasn't the camera or the angle, I was just overweight! I even look sad in it, even though I'm trying to smile. I didn't even think to edit it because I wasn't excited about it (which is saying a LOT because I usually love pictures.)

I don't like using the word "fat" because, I guess I'm afraid to say it. I also feel like it's more of a judging, mean word by society's general use of it. "Overweight" can be determined by the numbers no matter how "fine" I look at times or feel. But I am now overweight and fat, so it was discouraging and too embarrassing to even post the picture.

But I realize now I was being hard on myself, because EVERYONE has a before picture they can feel proud of (whether from this life or before,) because the Before isn't just about how we looked but how we felt. You aren't born with a negative self-image, or low self-esteem. So there is a "before" for everyone where we felt happy and confident.

I have "Before" pics from before having my 3rd son Samuel I realize now I looked great in (I was still only 142 pounds-30 pounds lighter- when I was 3 months pregnant with him.) This means this weight came on from general snacking to avoid puking, from late night snacking to keep me up while feeding him, and lack of exercise during lack of sleep, proper nourishment, etc. Well, last night I slept the entire night through for the 3rd time in over a year and a half!! WOW!! I literally feel like a new person... Not being able to sleep through the night can do terrible things to a person's body, but hopefully I'm at a point where that will not be the case anymore.

I have "before pictures" after my other children's births I look beautiful in, and family pictures, wedding pictures...

It's a HUGE deal that I can say this because at the time these pictures were taken I may not have been "overweight" by the numbers, but I called myself fat. I saw myself as fat in the mirror. I didn't even wear the real wedding dress I wanted to because I thought I was too fat to look good in a figure-forming gown. THAT is what I have to think about every time I look at a wedding picture of myself, and it's wrong. I could of worn any dress I wanted to.

Now I am finally realizing how distorted my view had become. Not only had I thought I was "too fat" then, but three months ago I thought I "was alright" with how I look now, and I was 10 pounds heavier then!

Even though it still makes me cry because I can't believe this is how I look (I just don't feel that big!) I am posting this picture because I need to recognize it and accept it if I'm going to change it. But I am also posting my "real" Before Pictures. These are pictures showing me happy, healthy, showing some of the reasons I put on this weight and that it was WORTH IT!!! I love my kids and would go through all this again for them in a heartbeat.

But now it's time for the weight to go, along with the late night snacks and convenience foods, and along with the distorted self-image that made me want to give up and give in to more food than I knew I really needed. No more, "I'm already this big, I might as well have more..." I am a beautiful wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, disciple and it's important I stay a beautiful wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, disciple in mood and spirit as part of this process because that matters more than what the scale tells me. Some weeks I will not lose anything, and some weeks I might even gain a couple pounds, but little by little I will become healthy again because my family and I are worth it and we can do it together. After all, we got here together! LOL

Here are my REAL Before Pictures that are going up on the wall to remind me who I am, and to treat myself like the woman I am worth:



























Thanks for reading! Check back later for my weigh-in (to help keep me on track!) -Eva

Going Shopping To Lose Weight!

Here's what I did to give my confidence a little boost at the beginning of this journey!

Try A Sample...Don't Worry! It's Good For You! :)

Hi Friends! Did you know that over 40 of you checked my blog yesterday? Thank you!!! I am only now seeing the comments that so many of you posted after that firt weigh-in and it is strengthening me more than you can imagine. I guess some more posted after I had looked so I didn't realize there were more words of encouragement there. Your love and vocal support amazes me and is why I haven't quit yet. :)

I thought I would share some samples of some other good stuff you've shared with me...

First, I had a message recently from a college friend I haven't had contact with for over 6 years. Holland is the kind of guy you want as your friend, and what do you know? As soon as you meet him HE IS your friend because he is just that kind of person. He's kind, funny, accepting, spiritual, dependable, trustworthy, makes you laugh and just feel comfortable. What I remembered about him wasn't that he was overweight, but that he was an awesome, funny, good person and that he went through a transformation in college. You could see him running around the track, playing football and lacrosse. I didn't know what had changed, but he seemed even more happy than before, was soon engaged and then I moved and just lost contact.

Well, awesome Holland, after seeing my blog sent me something. Turns out my friend went on to study fitness, become a personal trainer and even write a book called The Fat Trainer. It's about "How An Overweight Personal Trainer Put It All Together To Get In Shape." It's great! I'm halfway through it and am really enjoying the tips to fitness he shares in a converational, relaxed but focused, even fun dialogue. He teaches the basics (and a little more) for effective weight-training, cardio work-outs, eating and general well-being. He HAS BEEN THERE and is open about his highest weight, his boredom with cardio and what he did to change it, and so much more. You can learn more about The Fat Trainer here, find it and Like it on Facebook or just buy it on Amazon for your kindle, ipad, bookshelf, whatever! for under $7. Holland, you are awesome! Thank You for sharing your experiences and knowledge!

Another blog (it's a whole lot more than that too) I was made aware of today that I have to share is Oh She Glows. That link will take you to her About page which has a provacative slide show with statistics and images focusing on the world's skewed view of health. I was overcome when I read the statistic regarding the number of 9 and 10 year-old girls who diet. My daughter is 6 and I am trying very hard to teach "healthy eating," and not how to starve yourself. This is important to me since close family members and even myself have struggled with eating disorders. Food is not the enemy! How we eat or don't eat, why we eat or don't eat and what we eat or don't eat is what we need to be thinking about.

She has awesome recipes that I am looking forward to using. After starting to read The End of Overeating (which I will HAVE to write about another day because it's amazing- check out the link for an article about it) I want to try harder to make crackers, breads, granola bars etc. myself so I'm not relying on the store's processed foods. I will hopefully post some tasty and healthy pictures of food this weekend. I hope these resources serve as more support for you like they are for me. Feel free to post a link or book title in a comment! I'd appreciate it! Thanks For Reading, Eva

Why Get Are You Getting Fit NOW?! or The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth...

The phone calls, texts and emails so many people have sent me have been incredible. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I know this is still the "honeymoon phase" of this journey, but I am going to enjoy it as long as it lasts, and your comments and encouragement are For those of you who might be thinking aobut starting this journey, or are discouraged because you haven't had the "willpower" or whatever to do so yet, this post is for you! Here are my reasons for getting fit now, in no particular order...

MEDIA- Usually, weight-wise, this is a really negative thing. The media often says "Be skinny! skinny! skinny!" This has actually made me NOT want to lose weight just to show you can be heavier and still be happy and beautiful. BUT, I want to be healthy too. There are two shows I began watching on instant play on Netflix that really opened my eyes. The first show is called Ruby and follows an obese woman's struggle with weight-loss. Ruby is from the south, loves southern cooking and is just such a personality! It was fun to look forward to watching her progress or setbacks and seeing how she handled them (and of course, while watching a show like this, I had to get off the couch and walk or jog in place or lift my hand weights...)

She does everything from trying new workouts, to shopping, to driving for the first time, going camping for the first time, all of these things because she is finally losing the weight that has taken over her life. A turning point for me was a scene where she goes into a fantastic candy shop. Chocolates and all sorts of beautiful, yummy desserts are everywhere. Several employees offer her free samples! She points out her favorite treats from this store, but ulitmately leaves having bought and sampled NOTHING. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it, thinking aobut the sacrifice that was. Surely one little bite after an entire life of binging couldn't make too much of a difference. But it would. She said that she couldn't cheat anymore and she would probably never go into that store again because it was like an alcoholic going into a bar. That made me realize that I couldn't keep surrounding myself with junk food and think I was going to change. I couldn't keep making excuses and "start eating healthier tomorrow..." because tomorrow would never come.

Am I addicted to food? Maybe not as much as some people, but there is part of me like most of the population that craves chocolate, or a good ice cream cone. Am I never going to have them again? No, but I want to be like Ruby in that I don't cheat. I am not going to eat these foods secretly, or because I'm depressed or because I'm mad at myself. It will be part of a healthy lifestyle, and will be on the rare occasion with my friends and family near me. If Ruby can do it, I can do it.

The other show that got me going was The Biggest Loser. On Season One there was one girl who weighed less than me on the show and one who weighed the same as me. THAT was an EYE-OPENER. The show was only supposed to be for big people who really needed to lose weight. What? That was me?! Regardless of their heights or compared BMI's, I was either in that group or close to it, so it was time I did something about it.

The other reason I will write about right now is... STABILITY.

We all have ups and downs in life. Our (my husband and mine) down has been our financial situation. No matter where he has worked or how much we have cut down our budget there has never been enough money. We don't own new cars, boats, timeshares, or even new clothes, but it's just always been extremely tight. We learned new meaning of the word frugal 3 years ago when the dream job my husband had just begun was over 9 months later. The didn't receive payment on several homes they had built and a 30 year-old company was bankrupt just like that. We were left with him trying to pick up the pieces, pay mounting bills and make the OLD historical home we had just moved into more livable.

When you end up on foodstamps, medicare and going to the foodpantry to feed your kids your mind isn't thinking a whole lot about how toned your arms are. When there are holes in the walls of your house, your annual paycheck is now a third of what you were getting and you have no idea when they will be patched up, it's hard to focus on losing 10 pounds, let alone 40! If anything the pounds increase because you can't relax on a vacation or even enjoy a daytrip to an amusement park, but you can enjoy a slice of cake. Well, we are finally living in a house now that is finished (we have moved and are renting,) that I can't do projects on even if I wanted to. My husband has a job where with a few hours of overtime we can pay all our bills- I am SO grateful to be paying my own utilities! I am grateful for the humility we had to laern the past few years- I've learned to accept help and that I can't do it all on my own. And I finally have a space in my brain where I can make my health a priority and take on the stress that is also a small part of this goal. My brain and heart were just too full of other worries to tackle my health too. My world feels more stable and safe than it has for years, so I am more able to add the changes that are part of getting fit.

Well, that was super long so I'm gonna call it, but if you're interested in seeing another person's weight-loss journey (and not at a beautiful ranch away from the real world) WATCH RUBY! :) BTW, just in case, I want to add that I am not a doctor and you should consult yours before beginning any diet or fitness regimen.

And most of all, if you are at a place in life right now where things are scary, unstable, and unsure, hang in there. It will get better. OK, have a healthy day! Love yourself and one good choice will lead to another! -Eva

Week 2: The Weigh-In...

Week 2's Weigh-in...

Not So Sure About The Past Few Days, But That's OK :)

Tomorrow morning will be one week since my first weigh in. I would be excited, except the weekend happened. And the weekend included a date where we ate out. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with water and no fries only to find out after that they squirted cheese on it and grilled and buttered the toast it came in. Ugh. I tried to order healthy! The weekend also included a trip to Carl's Jr. since the kids had earned some money and wanted to spend it getting to eat there and play on the three story playground. I wanted to play in there too, but felt sick and had less of a work-out that day. :(

And then there were two get-togethers. One involved pizza, loaded with yummy toppings, and they ordered twice as much as we needed so there was plenty to go around. Guess who had to take the leftovers home? The other get-together involved ice cream. I'm sure I don't need to include the sweet details. I did pretty good watching my portion sizes but we visited long enough to warrant another serving, so that's where the trouble happened. Then if you're like me you start thinking, "we never by this stuff. I should enjoy it while I can. Everyone else is eating it." I've seriously got to self talk like I'm trying to avoid drinking in high school! "Not everyone else is doing it. And even if they are, you AREN'T everybody else." It's true. I'm not. I have a goal and I need to support myself more in reaching it.

Then this morning I totally pinched something in my back and could not walk! My husband had to come home from work early and I've been in bed. Part of me doesn't want to weigh myself at all tomorrow because I don't want to get discouraged. Also, I'm truly already feeling better and more confident in myself, so why should the scale matter? The other part of me knows it's about the accoutability so I should go ahead, hop on, and just see.

I'm proud of myself for not using diet soda, diet pills, diet bars, any of that stuff! I'm trying to eat fresh and eat more fruits and vegetables. I'm exercising at some level every day. I'm still a mom that has the occasional meal out or happy meal drive-thru, but I'm letting myself choose the healthier options even if they cost more (Carl's has a yummy turkey burger right now!) So, no matter the numbers, I like the Eva Barnett I am today more than the Eva I was last week, and that's something you can't measure on a scale.

Days 3 and 4: A Long Distance Countdown

So far, I feel like exercising and eating healthier has brought me closer to my kids. I really do feel more like playing with them when I'm done with my workouts, probably because Mommy has had some time to herself and is feeling more energized and happier about life. It feels good to be giving my kids healthier snacks since they are eating more of what I'm eating. They are my biggest motivators to finally be doing this, and keep me going. Here is some lunch I had in my daughter's bowl, to remind me of why I'm trying to watch my portion sizes... :)








It is still challengeing too though. I enjoy food. I was raised to enjoy and celebrate each day and celebrating often includes food. But I'm trying to take the long, real change route of finding healthier ways to celebrate, and learning to stop when I'm full. It might be easy to look at me and think, she's not THAT heavy. But trust me, that's the attitude that got me to this place (and in my tight workout clothes you can see it...ugh) It's kind of like that story about the boiling frogs. The story goes that if you put frogs in boiling water they will jump right out, but if you put them in water at room temperature and then turn up the heat, they will sit right in there until they boil alive. I don't know if anyone's ever done this, but the idea behind it is right on. So many of us have just sat in an increasing problem until it (poor health, obeseity...) is actually killing us and taking away from the quality of life we enjoy now.

In a way being gentle with myself and allowing myself to enjoy, indulge, forgive the extra weight, recognize that I'm still the same, good person inside, that looks aren't as important as personality...well, all of that has resulted in my being a tired, less-confident, less focused on my kids parent. If anything, I'm having to work-out now and miss out sometimes on things with them because little by little I let this get out of hand and now I have to do something big! I want to be able to manage it so I can be here for them now and in 50 years!

And I'm doing it with your help, my kids' help, and my husband's help, even when he is at work. I have a long distance to go with my health but I can get there, one day at a time, especially with long distance help, like this week...

I set a goal to do 100 down and ups (start standing, go down to a crouching position with hands on the floor, push your legs back so you go into plank, and then bring your legs back in and stand up again. I would do 15 or 10 at a time, take a couple minute break and then keep going. By the time I had 20 left I was SOOOOO tired! I mean, panting, sighing, needing to rest between 5. I texted my husband, I have a goal of 100 reps and have 20 left, pray for me! Just knowing someone else knew what I was trying to accomplish helped me keep going. I texted him again, 15. Then, 10. He responded , I know you can do it!!! And after seeing those words, I pushed hard to finish those last 10. I did them straight through, no more breaks. I had tears in my eyes, I could barely stand, I was breathing loud and heavily but I was happy and proud of myself. I did it!

I know that when I take the easy way out I am not as proud of myself. I am left wondering what could have been. I'm so glad I pushed myself, found the strength I needed in my husband and myself to get the job done and am looking forward to attacking and conquering that work out again! Although, my legs are still sore... :)

Feeling As Beautiful As Heidi Klum

I just had to say one more thing today. I just read an interview with Heidi Klum about her recent split (I can't beleive I'm' typing this...I don't usually do the whole celebrity gossip thing...) The interview of course shows lots of modeling photos, but of all of them the most beautiful one of her was this picture. She was just happy, going down the slide with her daughter. I loved it, since this is the kind of photography I do, and because I'm a mom and know that feeling. It reminded me of the new photo I just put up as my facebook profile!

She then went on to say the following when asked when she feels the most beatiful:

To be honest, it's with my children. In my job, people tell you that all the time: 'This shoot was great. You look amazing.'But you never know what they say when you turn away.

But the kids don't edit anything. When they kiss you and tell you they love you and say, 'Mama, you're the best' -- that's really the only thing you care about.


Heidi, I totally agree.

Running In The Dark With My Mental Trainer...

This was my happy beginning to Day 2's exercise.  People have asked me how I'm apporaching getting fit, and when it comes to exercise I'm doing as much as I can (as a fulltime mom) every day.  I was inspired to begin all of this because of watching the Biggest Loser on Netflix, so I wear my "uniform" each day, all day to squeeze in exercise time.  That's right.  I've been wearing work-out clothes and a sports bra all day, every day the past week and I've worked out more than ever.  I do jumping jacks while watching veggie tales with the kids.  Michael will sit on my feet while I do sit-ups.  I curl Samuel when I play with him all in hopes of making myself stronger and teaching my kids the importance of health.

 

 Like this night, I generally set a goal, then expect more of myself than that initial goal, then go a little farther than that to satisfy what Jillian would say. LOL Yes, I imagine her there next to me yelling at me to run harder and faster, even though this might be the face I'm really seeing.

My goal was 20 times to the end of the driveway and back, which I upped to 25 to make it harder, then upped to 28 since that's how old I am and to make it even more challenging.  Sophia and I started out together and then I saw this glorious, huge moon and had to get my camera.  The picture doesn't do it justice- it was huge!  Like, as big as my face!

So now I'm jogging with my camera around my neck, back and forth, enjoying this moon and realizing "Wow.  It's getting darker and the moon is climbing up this tree and I haven't even gone back and forth 8 times yet!"

 

So, I seriously ended up running in the dark with just that moon's light because I was having fun with my daughter, taking pictures and setting huge goals for myself.  LOL  It took me an entire hour to go back and forth that many times, and Jillian and Bob were running with me (in my imagination...) long after Sophia had gone to bed.

 
The moon was high up in the sky when I was done, but it was worth it!  I didn't think I could do it, but I did.   I also learned that I can run over 3.25 miles in my own front yard. :)

Day 1: A Food Failure but Reedeming Run...

I'm not going to write, because I talked enough! LOL SO glad I did though, since it helps me process and find solutions, and because that first run towards a healthier life meant so much to me. But I did want to post a pic of the yummy breakfast sandwich I made.

When I don't feel like exercising I will just think about this day! It's posted in 3 five or so minute clips...

Part 1 a.k.a. The Low...


Part 2 a.k.a. The High!


Part 3 a.k.a. Oh,Yeah, The Whole Point!

Weight Loss Journey! The Initial Weigh-In...

It's been a LONG time since I've posted to this blog. I'm grateful I can say I've been doing really well. :) I truly feel like the worst of my depression is finally over. I am medication free, suicidal-free (if that's a word LOL) and just in genereal feeling free to begin living the life I've wanted to for over a decade.

It's funny to think that a couple years ago I removed any trace of instability from these blog posts, as I sought fulltime employment. I didn't want any potential employer to turn me down because they saw the brutal honesty I had shared on this blog. Well, those posts will be reposted! My husband and I now are living more frugally, have paid off some debt and I no longer have to be working, so I can be completely, openly ME! I'm grateful for how those difficult, sometimes terrible moments made me who I am and I look forward to sharing them again. I am happy with how they shaped me, well, at least emotionally...

Physically, I am not in great shape. Stress, three pregnancies, and depression have taken their toll on my body. But I am ready to change that! I NEED to change that. I will still be writing reflections on life, but I will also be dedicating this blog to my weight loss journey. I started eating healthy and exercising hard yesterday (again) but this time I am not giving up. I am taking a healthier road when it comes to everyday living and making the most of this life!

I started this blog hoping my experiences could help others, but now I ask for your help. Please follow me! Please comment! Please message me on Facebook! I need to be held accountable. :) I need to be cheered for and prayed for. There is so much I want to do that I've been puting off because of my weight, because I was self-concious about my appearance or physically uncomfortable, but I can't wait any longer. I am starting those other creative endeavors while I simultaneously attack this beast of food and fat! I hope you join me and we can all live happier, healthier lives! Watch my video below for my initial weigh-in...(dun, dun, duun!)